Pillock

Karen was working at Phoenix Video in Wigan Town Centre, I strolled in one night after buying this thing and she gave me the 'what a stupid pillock' look - she was right, the pressure of the Hillman Imp being off the road and the train journeys to Speke had finally made me snap.

I regressed and bought this thing without thinking it through, I should have bought a secondhand Honda 90 from the paper for a hundred quid, what I actually bought was an exact replica of Steve Zodiacs Fireball XL5 Hovertron. I'd wanted one since I was five....

Nobody explained that during the 120 minutes or more I was on the road every day, screaming along at a breathtaking 30 mph, that I'd encounter numerous small sharp projectiles as I scraped along the kerbs of the country roads between Wigan and Speke. I was a complete pillock and deserved every puncture I was given. And I was gifted with quite a few - I was quite adept at fixing the inner tubes without taking the tire off. What a star!

“I wish I was a spaceman,
The fastest guy Alive.....
I’d fly around the Universe.
On a stupid fucking Honda Melody.”

Pardon my French and bad rhyming..